You go from feeling like an attractive, fashionable, put together woman to one day realizing you haven't been out of your mom uniform in weeks.
What is a mom uniform you ask? Here are a few distingusing characteristics:
1. Pants need to have an elastic waist. My life revolves around short people and their messes. Everything is either on the floor, or pretty darn close to it so I find myself bending down about 400 times a day. The only reason butt crack exposure is named after plumbers is that moms have collectively made a choice to wear pants that stay put. We are classy like that.
2. The material must be soft. What I wear on a daily basis gets rubbed against almost constantly with all of the hugs, cuddles, book reading, and lap sitting that goes on around here. When my kids are sick or upset my shirt is frequently the handiest alternative to Kleenex, and let's face it, nobody wants to wipe their nose on something rough.
3. The fabric has to be absorbant. When we are out and about we always end up stumbling upon those absurdly loud hand dryers in public restrooms that hurt my kids ears, and inevitably my pants are used as a hand towel.
4. Everything needs to be washable. Kids are gross, filthy, creatures. Just take one look at the chairs my kids sit in for meals and snacks and you will be shocked at how nasty they get in just a day. Yes, part of being a mommy is accepting the fact that you will be used as a napkin on a daily basis. In just this past week I have caught handfuls of snot, vomit, and poop to avoid scrubbing carpet, couches, curtains, and bedding. What I wear ABSOLUTELY must be washable, preferably in hot water.
5. You absolutely cannot feel fashionable in it. If you do, you will be devastated when it gets ruined. Save those nice clothes for kid free events.
6. It must be inexpensive. I buy all of my clothing secondhand so I don't have to think twice about tossing it after it gets a permenant stain, bleach splatter, or absurd amount of body fluids on it. The last casualty was when the velcro on my daughter's sleep sack snagged the fabric on my shirt. That shirt only cost me $5 to buy and will only cost $5 to replace. Can't get too upset about that.
7. Bathrobes are your best friend. Nobody wakes up in the morning all toasty warm and ready to start the day. That's where bathrobes come in. It's like wearing your bed around while your body wakes up. Well, at least that's how my bathrobe wearing obsession started. Then I realized it's the absolute best article of clothing for a variety of reasons. Robes are cheaper than nursing tanks and shirts but it's just as easy to whip a boob out of your robe for a feeding. You can actually secure your child in the robe and use the belt to support some of their weight, so it's like having a poor-man's moby wrap available at all times. They are super easy to take off and that comes in handy when a post preggo hotflash rears it's ugly head. It's also modest yet freeing at the same time, because you can generally get away with wearing a robe with nothing else underneath and nobody would know the difference. It certainly adds a little extra sense of adventure during my trecks to the roadside mailbox. Above all else, bathrobes fulfill requirements 1-6 perfectly, it's just too bad they aren't meant to be worn in public.
So when you see us Moms out and about in our cozy clothes it's not because we have let ourselves go and can't fit into something more stylish, and it's not because we have given up on our appearances, it's because we do everything we can to help our kids be comfortable, and that means resembling a teddy bear as much as we possibly can.
I've heard men complain that all they do is see their wives in uniform. Well guys, maybe it's time to give us an excuse to throw on some real clothes for a change. Plan a date out without the kids. Moms out of uniform have been known to act like sailors on shore leave when given the opportunity to get away from the kids, and chances are you're going to benefit from that pretty darn well if you play your cards right.
If you like what you just read, please subscribe to this blog or follow by email to be notified of future posts.
2. The material must be soft. What I wear on a daily basis gets rubbed against almost constantly with all of the hugs, cuddles, book reading, and lap sitting that goes on around here. When my kids are sick or upset my shirt is frequently the handiest alternative to Kleenex, and let's face it, nobody wants to wipe their nose on something rough.
3. The fabric has to be absorbant. When we are out and about we always end up stumbling upon those absurdly loud hand dryers in public restrooms that hurt my kids ears, and inevitably my pants are used as a hand towel.
4. Everything needs to be washable. Kids are gross, filthy, creatures. Just take one look at the chairs my kids sit in for meals and snacks and you will be shocked at how nasty they get in just a day. Yes, part of being a mommy is accepting the fact that you will be used as a napkin on a daily basis. In just this past week I have caught handfuls of snot, vomit, and poop to avoid scrubbing carpet, couches, curtains, and bedding. What I wear ABSOLUTELY must be washable, preferably in hot water.
5. You absolutely cannot feel fashionable in it. If you do, you will be devastated when it gets ruined. Save those nice clothes for kid free events.
6. It must be inexpensive. I buy all of my clothing secondhand so I don't have to think twice about tossing it after it gets a permenant stain, bleach splatter, or absurd amount of body fluids on it. The last casualty was when the velcro on my daughter's sleep sack snagged the fabric on my shirt. That shirt only cost me $5 to buy and will only cost $5 to replace. Can't get too upset about that.
7. Bathrobes are your best friend. Nobody wakes up in the morning all toasty warm and ready to start the day. That's where bathrobes come in. It's like wearing your bed around while your body wakes up. Well, at least that's how my bathrobe wearing obsession started. Then I realized it's the absolute best article of clothing for a variety of reasons. Robes are cheaper than nursing tanks and shirts but it's just as easy to whip a boob out of your robe for a feeding. You can actually secure your child in the robe and use the belt to support some of their weight, so it's like having a poor-man's moby wrap available at all times. They are super easy to take off and that comes in handy when a post preggo hotflash rears it's ugly head. It's also modest yet freeing at the same time, because you can generally get away with wearing a robe with nothing else underneath and nobody would know the difference. It certainly adds a little extra sense of adventure during my trecks to the roadside mailbox. Above all else, bathrobes fulfill requirements 1-6 perfectly, it's just too bad they aren't meant to be worn in public.
So when you see us Moms out and about in our cozy clothes it's not because we have let ourselves go and can't fit into something more stylish, and it's not because we have given up on our appearances, it's because we do everything we can to help our kids be comfortable, and that means resembling a teddy bear as much as we possibly can.
I've heard men complain that all they do is see their wives in uniform. Well guys, maybe it's time to give us an excuse to throw on some real clothes for a change. Plan a date out without the kids. Moms out of uniform have been known to act like sailors on shore leave when given the opportunity to get away from the kids, and chances are you're going to benefit from that pretty darn well if you play your cards right.
If you like what you just read, please subscribe to this blog or follow by email to be notified of future posts.
No comments:
Post a Comment