My husband came home from work a while ago and I was giving him a recap about our day. I was filling him in about how we had such a great day; the kids were well behaved and really helpful, and we had actually managed to be productive and get way more than usual done around the house. I was impressed enough with our progress that I was being downright cocky.
He responded in a positive way, even though I noticed him slyly looking around for all of this supposed "progress." I know he trusted me, but when I glanced around I realized that it honestly didn't look like I had done a damn thing.
It was in that exact moment that I realized that we had a prime example of "what did you do all day?".
I'm fully aware of wondering what the hell it is that a stay at home mom does all day. I actually remember asking my mom that question more than once as a pain-in-the-ass teenager that wanted nothing to do with my assigned chores. What I have learned over the past 4.5 years is that productivity as a stay at home parent is rarely if not never represented through a visual assessment of the environment.
This list shows a few ways I measure the success of my day:
1. How much undivided attention my kids got from me
2. How silly we got, and how much laughing we did
3. How much we moved our bodies
4. How little junk we ate or tv we watched
5. What we learned together
6. How clean we managed to get at any given point
7. How few times I yelled or otherwise lost my shit
8. How few times the kids lost control of their bodies and/or emotions
9. Any progress in the life skills dept - showing independence, communication skills, problem solving
10. How well we functioned as a team
11. How many hugs and kisses were given
12. How creative we were
Housewives in the 1950s focused on what people would see; they were primped and put together, the kids were clean and well mannered, the house was picked up, and a nutritious meal was ready on time. That was easily measured visually by anyone.
Parents of today do things very differently. We don't kick the kids out of the house for the entire day only to round them up 30 minutes before dinner for a quick bath. Parenting styles are changing, so why are we judging success in an antiquated way?
Just think of it this way. If you were to walk into a 1950s house blindfolded and a modern day house blindfolded, what would you pick up on differently?
Most of our parents turned out just fine, but that doesn't mean there isn't another way to do things. I've chosen to focus on the things that I will cherish, and not the housework that will just be there again tomorrow.
I've heard many Moms respond to questions about their levels of exhaustion with the phrase, "I'll sleep when I'm dead."
Well, when people want to judge me because not all of my dishes are loaded in the dishwasher, the beds aren't made, the kids faces need to be wiped, or there are art supplies all over the table and toys all over the floor, etc.. I respond with "I'll clean when they move out."
Get with the times folks. Get a new measurement tool and figure out how to use it. It's not an issue of laziness, it's all about priorities, and I'm totally comfortable with where mine are at.
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I couldn't agree more! As a working mom I often wonder how our house can be so messy when none of us are home all day. I just remember that we judge success on whether we all held it together and enjoyed each other's company - oh yeah and we really celebrate when no one loses their shoes that day...We may look like a hot mess on the outside, but we're smiling on the inside.
ReplyDeleteHahaha hot messes. We definitely fit that description regularly.
DeleteAgreed Mrs. Klein. I measure my success of the day much like you and Chattertots do. My husband, well not so much. I gather up the toys and attempt to "organize" them at least once a week but that's because I begin to go batty tripping over things. But on a daily basis I really could care less. A big mess means they used their imaginations that day, they learned problem solving, teamwork, how to build and how to demolish. They had fun. I seem to have adopted a fine pair of blinders that not everyone wears when they come to my house. I am able to block out the mess and clutter because I see the smiles on my kids faces. I do ask that they put their toys away when they are done with each game or activity but I'm usually told "We're not done with it yet." To which I just accept and move on. :)
Deletei love watching my kids engage in imaginative play and it's totally worth the mess. I think it's harder for the working parents (in our case husbands) to handle the mess because they don't get the benefits we do. All we can ask them to do is recognize that we are not lazy and that we are choosing to prioritize differently. I don't tell my husband how to do his job, so he shouldn't tell me how to do mine. If they don't like the clutter then can clean it :)
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